Anger is a fire.

It has tremendous energy. Harnessed, warms us. Unchecked, it burns our house down.

Some fires can be snuffed out—the small ones, anyway.

Some fires need to burn. They're too big to simply stomp out.

So the real question is:

How do I contain this fire?
How do I channel its energy?
How do I protect myself and my loved ones from its ferocity?

The way to handle anger is to simultaneously contain it and let it burn. These two opposing strategies are the key to tempering and channeling fire.

A common mistake is to let the fire rage beyond ourselves, scorching everything around us. Another is to keep throwing water on it, constantly trying to keep it down.

Suppressing anger—moralizing ourselves to just "not be angry"—or bottling it up is doomed to fail. Unleashing our anger on others is just as destructive.

So what do we do?

We let the fire burn—in a container.

Scream in the car. Take a Wiffle bat and bash a pillow. Write an angry journal entry.

Don't suppress. Express.

Modern life has few socially acceptable outlets for anger. But it needs a place to burn. Otherwise, it cooks us from the inside.

the invitation

Next time you feel anger rise, don’t banish it.

Ask yourself:

How can I channel this fire? How can I burn it off?

Use it—or be used by it.