Want to protect yourself from yourself? We need to be each others' eyes and ears.

We all have blindspots: intellectual, emotional, social, you name it. We make mistakes. We get caught in rogue states where we can harm ourselves and our communities. We need each others' eyes and ears—especially when we're caught in those blindspots.

That's where our friends come in. Courageous friends. The ones who are willing to confront you and tell you that you're doing something wrong. The ones who are willing to risk your anger or frustration toward them.

I recently found myself caught up in a disproportionate emotional response. Someone parked in my spot. I had to park elsewhere and carry my gear in. I got angry. They didn't move all night. I called the cops to ask them to tow it. They fined the car. I let the landlord know.

Here’s the issue: I live here. That car probably belonged to a neighbor or one of their guests. And I called the cops on them? Classic case of shitting where you eat.

The landlord let me know professionally and respectfully. She asked that next time, I just park elsewhere, email her, and let her handle it — and please, don’t call the cops.

A fair response to a disproportionate reaction to an inconvenience.

I could play defense and justify it: I pay for that spot. I was exhausted. The cops had just tagged my camper van unfairly. I’d had a bad day.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I couldn’t see how unreasonable I was being — not in the moment. I was caught up. While not an excuse, it's an acknowledgement that I had a momentary blind spot. Looking back, I’m embarrassed by how extreme I got.

The whole experience reminded me of when I saw a friend fall into his own version of this scenario. We were in Tokyo together and decided to go to the gym to exercise. We arrived at the front desk, where they asked us for our passports. He forgot his, but had his ID card and a digital copy of his passport. The attendants still refused his entry: it must be a physical passport, no exceptions.

My friend doesn't take kindly to arbitrary rules. He abhors them. He began arguing with them, his frustration and anger escalating minute by minute. He asked if he could at least use the locker room so he could change in order to run back to his place to get the passport. No go.

That was the breaking point. In a rage, he snapped: 'Fine — then I’ll change right here in the hallway.'

That's when the two female attendants hit their limit. I could feel their intense discomfort. They threatened to call the cops. It was bad.

I knew I had to act quickly to deescalate this. I went up to the attendants and firmly told them, ‘Don’t call the cops — I’ll handle this.I went to my friend, grabbed his shoulder, and told him kindly but firmly: "hey man, you can't do this here. It's gonna get us in big trouble, and it's not worth it. I know it's bullshit. I know the rules here are stupid. But this is not worth it. It's ok. Just go get your passport, and we'll work out with the time that we have."

I walked him out, and he ran back to get the passport—still in his suit. We ended up being able to work out in the facility.

We talked later about what happened. He noted that he couldn't recall the last time he had gotten so upset. He was glad that I was there to calm him down. While he maintained that hatred for arbitrary bureaucracy and a disdain for the blind rule follower, he acknowledged he got caught up.

He needed a counter force to balance him when he was taken by his emotions. And he's not alone. We all fall prey to that.

One of my favorite things from a past relationship was a mutual checking of each other, a kind reflection when we felt the other was behaving out of line. Either one of us would look each other in the eyes and kindly say "eyes and ears" — a short phrase to mean "hey, I'm looking out for you and see something you might not" — before sharing our reflection of what was said.

None of us drives through life with a perfect windshield. We all have blindspots. But together — as each other’s eyes and ears — we see more clearly, act more wisely, and live with a little more grace.

When we are each others' eyes and ears, we protect each other from ourselves.